Life threw me another major curve ball in the form of my neighbor going downhill a couple of weeks ago. She’d had lunch, had her hair done and then by supper time was throwing up. She’s eighty-five and was diagnosed with late-life Parkinson’s disease. She was sent to the hospital where we learned she had several bowel impactions, a staph infection, the Parkinson’s was progressing and basically, it didn’t look good. She rallied enough to come home, but we’ve been living moment to moment with her.
Eleven years ago, when we moved into this house–our very first home, we never imagined that we’d adopt our neighbors as our chosen family. You see, I knew our neighbor–she was the President of our small town bank–the first woman to hold that seat and she was well revered and well highly regarded. I’ll admit she was intimidating to me. A woman with all that power. I’d seen her pictures in the bank, seen her around town and she held the regalia of a queen. Up until three weeks ago, she was still going to the bank on a daily basis—at eighty-five, she wasn’t done working yet.
Little by little, after many hours spent on hot summer nights gabbing on her porch, I learned she was the eldest of five and took care of her siblings when her mother was ill. That she started in the basement of the bank, that she survived a failed marriage when divorces were frowned upon, especially in such a faith-based family such as she had. She adopted a seven-year old girl when she married her second husband after her mother abandoned her–another big taboo back in the day–and raised her as her own, all while climbing the proverbial career ladder. She became President of the Pennsylvania Banker’s Association and that isn’t even touching all of her achievements, accomplishments and barriers she broke.
But I also learned about the kindness and love she had and her willingness to adopt us into her family. To my children, who refer to her as Aunt Helen, she was like another grandmother. To me, she became a friend—an ear when I needed one, a shoulder when I needed one. We include her in birthdays and holidays because she is our family.
In a word, my neighbor is one of the most phenomenal, extraordinary women I have ever met in my life. She’s an inspiration, but more than that, she’s been a friend, an adopted family member whom we love and respect very much. It hurts like hell to watch her health fail and it’s going to hurt even more when we have to say good bye, but it’s also been an honor and a privilege to know her. She’s trusted me with the care of her husband and I was extremely blessed to be there when he passed away because I got to keep my promise to him that I’d be with him until the end. I’m not looking forward to this next step in my relationship with Helen, but am blessed that she also trusted me enough to care for her over the years, because lord knows, she’s went above and beyond for me and my family. She’s truly an angel.